Easter Funny Kill Bill!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

It’s been a little bit of a busy week wrapping up the 1^st quarter of 2016 and getting wedding / honeymoon information taken care of for August… but I’ve gotten a few movies in to share with you.

 

First up is the movie that was originally going to be featured on the Everything I Learned From Movies Podcast, 2006’s “Easter Bunny Kill Kill!” starring… nobody you know, it’s a very small independent film. We were going to watch this movie & review it… but based on the preview on the DVD, Izzy decided that it was too gory for her… so we switched it up to “Night of the Lepus” which turned out to be for the better. This movie follows a jerkass named Remington (first scene is him sticking up a convenience store in an Easter Bunny mask, then blasts him with a shotgun) who has sleazed his way into being the boyfriend of a single mom whose raising a special needs 16-year old (and I was trying to determine whether her occupation was a nurse or a stripper who wore a nurse’s outfit). Well, he’s all nice when she’s around… but once she goes to work, Remington is verbally abusive to her son… and threatens to kill his bunny… and then one night while he goes off to snort blow & f**k some hookers, he rents out her special needs son’s sweet virgin ass to a child molester. Yeah, this movie gets really dark, really quick. Well… as the title would imply, there is one person who can save his innocence… and that’s the Easter Bunny… who comes to save the day with a power drill, hammer & other assortments from a tool belt. I’m not going to spoil the ending… but yeah, this is a pretty low budget slasher flick. I mean… the acting was pretty bad, but not horrible. Given the movie that they were doing… who am I kidding? It was pretty bad. The “kill scenes” are interesting though a little sloppy on the editing… the music was pretty good for the atmosphere… but yeah, the dialogue was horrible… there’s a lot of “why would you do that?” moments… but yeah, it had an Easter Bunny. I don’t know… I give it 3 out of 10 stars or something like that. I liked Remington’s 10-second “Coke & Hookers” song that he sang in the mirror… and there was some stray titties… but that’s about it.

I followed that up with a movie that actually made me a little scared, the 2015 documentary “The Nightmare” which talks about sleep paralysis and is from the director of “Room 237”. Essentially the movie is a series of interviews with people who suffer from sleep paralysis, a condition in which people go to sleep… but then have lucid dream-like situations where they all seem to have the same experience… where the shadows seem to come alive and torment them, yet they cannot speak, move or even so much as close their eyes or look away while feeling absolutely terrified, sometimes with their breathing and other functions shutting down on them.  Think of it as an incredibly deep sleep where you’re in a dream that you can’t escape… basically the kind of stuff that Wes Craven turned into the “Nightmare on Elm Street” franchise and the more recent “Insidious” horror franchise is based on… and basically most people who suffer from it think it’s bordering on the line of demonic possessions, even the atheists. This documentary pairs these interviews with some pretty good reenactments of their stories… and apparently there’s really no cure (except for one instance I won’t spoil) and the sleep paralysis gets progressively worse as you get older. I’d highly recommend checking out this movie… it’s very well done & interesting.

 

One reason that it scared me a little bit… is I’ve had a few dreams where there was a form of this (Oct 4^th, 2010 – “Wave of Killers” for one) especially when I’ve had a few to drink, but even when completely sober. No, it’s not a major thing in my life… but it’s happened before… and most of their stories started out like “Yeah, it happened a few times as a kid… and then it just got worse… and now I can’t even go to sleep, hold a relationship, find meaning in my life.” Okay, not that bad… they’ve actually all done pretty well for themselves considering the constant torment of sleep paralysis that they have… but yeah, just a little scary. Don’t worry, I won’t let it get to me. Does anybody else have these kind of dreams occasionally?

 

Saturday night, Izzy & I went to a swanky event known as the Sea Otter Soiree at the world famous San Francisco Zoo, and hosted by the Museum of the Farallones. At this event, we met with likeminded individuals who are interested in all things otter… and listened to a speech about the research being done in the area concerning the migration patterns, ecological benefits & everything else otter-related. Oh… and there was beer, of course… it’s a swanky event. Here are some pictures, including probably one of the best pictures of us ever taken…

 

 

 

Last little update… the next episode of Everything I Learned From Movies (eilfm.podbean.com) will be… drum roll… Day of the Dolphin!!!

 

But $teve, didn’t you already tell us about this wonderful movie months ago?” Yes, Izzy & I watched it a few months ago… but we wanted to elaborate… and share our vocal skills in recreating dolphin noises (well, Izzy anyway). It’s a great flick… and may contain the greatest scene in film history towards the end. Watch it! Let us know what you think! Then we can give you a shout out on the podcast! Until then, have a great day everybody!!!

CHAPPiE, Trippy Dreams & Quiet Lightning

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Monday night, Izzy & I went to a “literary mix tape” called Quiet Lightning at the WeWork Building in Mid-Market. First & foremost, I just want to give a shout out to the WeWork Building… it’s pretty sweet. This seven-story building is apparently one of a network of similar office buildings around the nation that offer part-time office spaces to companies in need of a meeting room… but doesn’t really have a presence in the city yet, so more like emerging small businesses (usually tech companies in this area). The spaces are all cleaned, organized, appropriated & handled by WeWork… and there’s usually like a little common area if needed… and apparently they have craft beer available on every floor. For this instance, there was a keg of Lagunitas IPA, Anchor Steam & Anderson Valley Boont Amber… all included with the event. F**king awesome if you ask me… yeah, it’s basically a hipster’s paradise.

 

Anyway, Quiet Lightning, the aforementioned “literary mix tape”, is basically where writers of different genre, backgrounds, subjects all come together to share their short stories or poetry… usually about five minutes per person. This instance was led by the writing class that Izzy has been a part of the past few months… and it was pretty good. Each writer had a very separate & distinct style and prose to their works… and it was pretty entertaining… and the beer was plentiful for the not-so-uplifting stories. I highly recommend it if you ever are in the neighborhood. Heck, you can check their schedule online. See ya there! I’ll probably be the tall guy in a suit dispensing beer…

 

So that night… I had one of my fairly crazy dreams. I know, it’s been a long time since I shared one of these weird dreams with you… mostly because within about ten minutes of waking up I usually forget about it… but I remembered a few weird things about this one. Anyway, it was apparently set back in Feudal Europe… or maybe those Time Before Time settings like “Conan” or “Beastmaster”. There was the usual knights & serfs… but also barbarians. The first thing that I remembered was there was some kind of epic battle going on outside of a small rural village (no castle that I remember)… with broadswords slashing & screaming and all that mess… and probably the reason that stuck was that with every decapitation… the heads would still be moving about and barking out orders or something to the other men. Some of them were even moving slowly along the ground by moving their lower jaw & chin about to kind of wiggle like a slug or something, occasionally tipping over & then just kinda roll around on their scalp… oh but WAIT, there’s more!!!

 

Another part I remember is there was some super-hot redhead barbarian chick in full sexy regalia (think “Heavenly Sword” but with a spear) and she was in a home fighting off a half-dozen knights and dudes with pitchforks or whatever they could grab… and she was basically wasting them. Shank one guy, shank one the other way, pull out the spear and twirl a bit, cracking open a cookie jar while clearing out the way, followed by a pole vault kick sending one dude throw the front door, all that stuff, just destroying these dudes… and when they were all down, she left. Back in the house though, a little serf guy slowly comes out from behind a staircase… “Whew… that was intense.” He then sees a few cookies lying on the dresser top, takes one out of the porcelain shards, bites into it, “Hmm… that’s good” and then drops it down behind the crack of the dresser… and almost instinctively goes after it, grabbing it ALMOST immediately when it hits the ground… and then takes a self-congratulatory bite for his quick reflexes… and then realizes there are still 5-6 other cookies on the dress that… well, hadn’t touched the floor… and then he looks around at all the dead men on his floor… and then shrugs it off & takes another bite. “Whatever.” By the way, if you’re looking for any kind of deep meaning in my dreams, then I kinda pity you…

 

Back outside, the barbarians seem to be winning & there are only a few local soldiers still around. The rest have ran off with their families from the battle leaving behind their homes & such. Then up walks this giant barbarian lord (basically looks like me… if I had the body of Jason Momoa covered in blood & ritual face paint) and he’s breathing deep, savoring the victory. Then Red Sonya or whoever comes flying out of nowhere and still covered in God-knows-what, wraps her legs around him. “I must have… Him!” Him of course referring to his codpiece which she is now gyrating upon… but being the badass that he is, just kind of brushes her off and looks around, “After the Feast! Now… battle.” He then runs after a few of the stragglers who appear to be clergymen in the distance (about 50 yards off), they notice, and with a collective “NyoooOoOoOof**k!” they start running off… and then the dream end with my alarm. You’re welcome everybody!

 

Wednesday night, we went to a special preview of “Chappie” starring Hugh Jackman, Sigourney Weaver, Dev Patel & from the director of “District 9” & “Elysium” Neill Blomkamp. Now… when I saw the preview on TV for this movie… I instantly went into sarcastic mode & posted on Facebook something along the lines of “Didn’t they already do a RoboCop reboot last year?” Then someone suggested that I see the full 150-second trailer… and my thought was “Oh! So it’s ‘Short Circuit’ meets ‘RoboCop’… I love both of those movies, right? So why am I not excited?” Have I grown that cynical when it comes to big budget movies? Everything is recycled BS so what’s the point anymore? I like to think not… but at the same time, there’s very little out there to make me think otherwise. Need proof? Name one nomination for Best Picture last year that made money / was a financial success. “American Sniper” right? Literally had to have ‘American’ in the title, Bradley Cooper starring & Clint Eastwood directing to even get a passing glance here in the states. Regardless, this post isn’t about the state of big budget movies (or is it?) but just a passing glance at my first impressions going into this special preview… at least it was free & I wasn’t wasting $30 to see it… let’s check it out.

 

Now, I’m going to tell you right now… GO SEE THIS F**KING MOVIE!!! Okay, so the story is set in Johannesburg, South Africa (did I mention the director Neill Blomkamp?) in the far distant future of 2016… and the city is 1980’s Detroit meets f**king Afrika the past two hundred years! Hundreds of murders & violent crime each day, riots, all that jazz… so a company called Tetravaal comes in with a solution… robotic police officers, basically soldier drones to come in & clean up the town… and it works incredibly well. Meanwhile, the lead designer (Patel) is working on an artificial intelligence program in his spare time… and thinks he has it down, but is turned down by the CEO (Weaver) for funding. So… he kinda steals a robot that was on its way to the scrap heap… and before he can do his own experiments on it, he’s jacked by a few pretty sinister fellows (Ninja, Yo-Landi Visser & Jose Pablo Cantillo) who take him to their hideout because they want to program a robot cop to help them pull a major heist. Well, as luck would have it… they now have the lead designer & a robot almost ready to go… but they basically have to input this AI program and teach the robot… as if it were a supersmart child. Okay, now it’s time for the breakdown:

 

What I Loved About This Movie:

 

·         The Not So Subtle Context - What follows in the movie is basically a whole discussion on nature vs. nurture, what life is, what constitutes it, what it’s all about, what makes us human, why can’t a robot be human too, dealing with mortality, conflicting morality, can technology save us, can we be immortal through technology, all that kind of stuff… and oddly enough, despite it being pretty blatant (the lead designer is called “My Maker” and the thugs who basically raise him are “Daddy”, “Mommy” and “America”) that whole angle is actually VERY well done. It’s like a compilation of every Philip K. Dick novella or short story rolled into one… set in our current timeframe… and played out. There’s really a whole lot to talk about this with regards to this movie… but I’m just going to recommend that you check it out. It’ll be easier to discuss later. I don’t want to spoil anything.

·         The Acting AKA Who the f**k are Ninja& Yo-Landi? - The acting throughout… top notch. The Character Arcs are extremely good. The thugs that start out kidnapping the lead designer & raising Chappie (the robot by the way) as an evil tool… eventually warm up to him and fill their basic parenting and/or creepy uncle roles. Yes, the dialogue gets a little cheesy at times, but yeah… no idea who Ninja & Yo-Landi were before this movie… wouldn’t be surprised if they blew the f**k up after this. I’ve already seen Mr. Cantillo in a bunch of bad movies that I loved (both “Crank” movies & “Disturbia”) so he’s already half way there, but these guys were out of nowhere. I thought they’d just be bit caricatures of street punks or something. Also, as usual, Dev Patel, Hugh Jackman & Sigourney Weaver are powerhouses… but we already knew that.

·         Music – Throughout this movie, the music is great at striking the notes needed… whether a bombastic house music explosion during the action scenes and slow-mo shots (that may or may not be made by the aforementioned Ninja, I just know I heard the artist say “Ninja” like a dozen times) to the hearttouching ballad moments, it all fits, is consistent, and doesn’t take you completely out of the movie. I think it also helps that with it being set in South Africa (basically could be Mars to most of us Westerners) it’s really good for it to have its own distinctive soundtrack like this movie provides.

·         The Carjacking Scene – Okay, so there’s a scene in this movie the thugs basically trick Chappie into stealing cars for them… saying that they’re his “Daddy”s cars. It’s just f**king hilarious. There are a few scenes like this one throughout… but this stood out to me. Just a mix of innocence, savage brutality, stunned reactions, teenage awkwardness and all that jazz… that’s all I’m going to say.

·         This Movie has F**king Heart – For being a movie about robot police officers, this movie had touching moments. Now, I’m not saying that original “RoboCop” director Paul Verhoeven doesn’t know how to build real & believably touching moments in his films (“Showgirls”, “Starship Troopers”, “Basic Instinct”, etc)… oh wait, never mind. What I’m saying is… primarily because the robot has the mentality & morality of a child in the most horrible of situations, you totally feel for it… like… maybe even more than if it were a real child, as sad as that thought may be, because the robot is exactly what we program it to be in that short amount of time, as opposed to a child not constantly being under supervision, so it could’ve learned traits from anywhere. It’s a weird little conundrum that this movie builds… but I like it. The lessons learned mean something… the pain means something… the loss means something… the little joys mean something… and at times you have to remember, it’s a f**king robot! Or is it? You end up seeing his world through the eyes of a child.

 

What I Didn’t Like As Much

 

·         I Keep Thinking About Other Movies – There’s really not a lot to knit-pick about this movie as I obviously loved it. One thing was… it seems to borrow a LOT of key elements from some pretty major motion pictures. Granted, most of them are the best parts of those other movies… but here’s just a brief list: The entire plot, main characters, character voices, HELL almost the set design & all key locations from the “RoboCop” movies, but with the titular character as Johnny 5 from “Short Circuit” with the willingness to learn & adorableness of “Wall*E” but with guns & throwing stars. Not enough for you? How about if we had the star of “Real Steel” (Jackman) basically playing the same character (super athletic computer engineer) but instead of making him the hero of the movie… he’s the jealous adversary? And instead of a giant Rock-em Sock-em robot, we give him the ED-209 from “RoboCop”? Wait… do you think we’re taking too much from that movie? Are they gonna sue us?

·         The Use of Hugh Jackman – Don’t get me wrong, Hugh Jackman is Hugh Jackman in this movie… and he’s great. I like seeing him as the bad guy from time to time. Here’s the character’s story arc as far as I can tell though: An ex-soldier / rugby player / world-class robotic engineer has a pretty sweet R&D job with the world’s most prominent robotics company (already imagining how much a$$ this guy gets). Well, his robotics project (ED-209, basically a robo-tank with everything from rockets to machine guns to cluster bombs to F**KING JET PACKS!!!) is considered too expensive to mass produce because the Chappie program is so much more cost effective & overall effective. By the way, these would totally be on the field in war… even if you had Chappie-like soldiers, this is the equivalent of bringing in those giant orcs in the Lord of the Rings movies… but with gats & a jet pack! It’ll clear the f**king room… and it’s basically operated by a guy wearing a helmet thousands of miles away. Anyway, because of this jealousy with the lead designer (I guess), he not only pulls the worst f**king office prank in the history of mankind (actually funny how horrible it is with absolutely no repercussions) but then he puts THOUSANDS of lives in danger by shutting down all of the Chappie robots across Johannessburg, just to prove that his robot is better… but by going to destroy the only Chappie still working? Instead of bringing peace to the city (I assume by hellfire)? This is also on top of a bunch of other things that happen throughout the movie that I’m sure will pop up on Cinema Sins in about six months but… yeah, well done but… kind of a weird, illogical story arc. “I’ll show them mine is better by destroying the city! Then I’ll… completely forget to show them while I kill the other lead designer! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!”

·         Subtitles – Basically the accents in this movie were so bad at times that they had to use subtitles… but you could still really make out what they were saying (mostly the character Hippo & when everybody is talking at once). Really this is a warning that you’ll be listening to that Afrikaans / South African patois accent for two hours… but it’s not that bad.

·         Deon Wilson? Nope… Not Buying It – The only other thing I’ve got… is Dev Patel’s lead designer character name is Deon Wilson… and I’m not buying it. You show me a person of Indian descent with the name Deon Wilson… and I’ll show you a blond-haired, blue-eyed Deepak Nahasapetaminijad. Makes me wonder who was originally going to play Deon… before they realized they could pull Dev Patel.

 

Overall Synopsis: Again, go see this f**king movie!!! Like right now!!! Or at least some time this weekend!!! Also, before I go... I'd better add something about beer... so here's some Beer Lacing... I see the Roadrunner right before he meep-meeps outta here...

 

Anyway, big busy weekend coming up… but I’ve bored you long enough… have a great weekend everybody!!! GO SEE CHAPPIE!!!

FDR, SFHG & E66 Part IV

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

First & foremost, I’d like to congratulate Kevin, VP of the SF Homebrewers Guild, and his wife Shae on getting the financial support needed for their dream project - a Nanobrewery through crowdfunding. They needed to raise the startup capital of $50,000 in the 30-40 day timeframe, and it was looking tight a week ago, but just before the deadline they were able to pull it out thanks to contributions by many guild members (including myself) and now for the tough part… starting the actual brewery & paying back all those rewards.

 

Ferment.Drink.Repeat (FDR) Nanobrewery is going to be a 3.5 barrel (about 110 gallons) nanobrewery, homebrew supply shop, and brewery incubator located here in San Francisco. The exact location is up in the air but it’s being hinted that it’ll be in the Portrero Hill area more than likely. Now, you may be asking yourself… what’s a brewery incubator? Basically, it means they’re going to be a place where up-and-coming professional brewers (like say… Terrible Lizard Brewing) and have access to some of their equipment & facilities… and help develop their brands without having to finance all of the equipment & facilities themselves. Kind of like… how a catering company may rent out a kitchen from a restaurant during their off-hours. Also, they will be displaying some of the award-winning brews from members of the SFHG for public consumption, again so that they can spread their brand awareness (if desired) or just provide some fantastic brews at this local spot. The whole thing is very centralized to the homebrewing community here in San Francisco… but the idea itself can probably be utilized anywhere. It’s basically what I would like to do one day wherever we decide to settle and once we have sufficient (minimal) experience & resources… so I’ve been intrigued by the process & picking Kevin’s brain a few times about it since he announced it a few months ago… and will definitely continue to do so.

 

As mentioned, we did invest in FDR back in the beginning… and one of the rewards was that you design your OWN recipe, Kevin would be there to guide you & make suggestions, you’ll have lunch on brew day, and then you get a little private reserve party on the day that your craft beer makes it to the public with up to 12 friends. So eventually a Terrible Lizard Brewing brew will make it to their draft… and if you’re in the Bay Area& want to reserve a spot at the release party, let me know. Reading the blog has its privileges indeed. In the meantime, once they get started we will also have a $500 gift certificate to use at the supply shop. That’s a good chunk of change & we’re looking into a keg system… but we’ll probably take care of that before this all gets up & going. Again, congratulations Kevin & Shae!!!

 

Tuesday night was the monthly meeting of the SF Homebrewers Guild at Anchor Brewing… and our special guest was Jay with Rare Barrel Brewing in Berkeley. He gave a great little talk about making sour beers & how their business came to be because they had a passion for them… and it’s kind of a niche market due to its lack of availability & die hard fans. Now… I’m not a HUGE fan of sour beers… but I’ve tried a few & they’re pretty nice in moderation. However, I can see how you can be in a market like the Bay Area where just about everybody who really wants to have a brewery is opening one up… or gypsy brewing… or whatever, so to stand out in the market without a huge advertising budget, you can specialize. Rare Barrel makes exclusively sours. Trumer makes just about the perfect pilsner. Anchor just makes f**king liquid gold & obsidian, but they’ve also been doing it for a long, long time. For upstarts, you almost have to try to find a good market that isn’t saturated… or specialize.

 

Another thing that Jay mentioned: He was asked how the transition from passionate homebrewer to professional brewer changes your view, he replied something along the lines of “When I’m a professional brewer, it’s doing about 10% of the stuff you love to do as a homebrewer.” Basically, as passionate as you might be about making beer… that’s only about an hour or so a day of your job. The rest is getting out there, handling paperwork, cleaning, running the business, hiring people, firing people, working out your marketing strategies, taxes, bills, customer complaints, partner complaints, mortgages, all that stuff that you didn’t really have to deal with when you were just cooking up brews in your basement. Now… where that may sway a lot of people… it kinda made me feel good that I had already thought that far ahead before even considering doing a brewery. It means I probably have a good head on my shoulders & am willing to work hard in many different facets of my life to make it work… so we’ll see.

 

We also brought some of our homebrews for a little Taste Testing by the Guild & though we only had about 5 or 6 subjects stop by, they all really liked our Bourbon Barrel Porter & Winter Warmers. We also got to meet a few more members that we hadn’t before… including one gentleman that lives a street away from me there in the Presidio. Small world here in San Francisco. After the meeting, I congratulated Kevin in person on his crowdfunding & let him know that we look forward to working with him… and then the President of the Guild (Chris) invited us to have a drink at Steep Brew a block away, where we shot the sh*t for a bit and… honestly, drank a little water for the drive over to Izzy’s place. Don’t drink & drive!!!

 

Wednesday morning, we woke up again dark & early to help out with another big batch at Elevation 66 Brewing with Super Dave & Big Ben. With our experience, we’re getting more & more duties to do… almost to a point where they are just kind of telling us where to attach the hoses, etc. while they watch. Obviously they’re still doing a lot of the hands-on stuff when it comes to the actual beer, but we’re doing some good cleaning… and a lot of heavy lifting when it comes up. Still, we’re learning so much… and I’m always excited to help out… even at 5 AM. Let’s see… one different thing this time was that I was a part of my first transfer from the fermentor to one of the storage tanks that they have for the time from the beer is ready, until they have a tap ready for it. Since business is kinda boomin’, they go through beer pretty quickly (especially their IPA & vanilla stout) but we got to see how the transferring & storage is done. It’s pretty much what you would expect… but here are a few pictures anyway…

 

Cleaning the fermenter...

Some spent grains for making bread

to share with Super Dave & Big Ben

Jack in the Box afterwards...

Not sure if it's art...

or just a very delicious new food item

Anyway, that was the groovy past… 30 hours or so in our little world. A fellow homebrewer’s dream came true, Terrible Lizard’s first official brew is coming soon, rave reviews from our homebrew by the Guild, drinks with the Presidents, helped with a legitimate batch of award-snubbed IPA, and all the time networking with some great brewers & overall great people! Oh… and I get to spend time with my ladyfriend & enjoy her company as well. I think she really likes me… and that’s good… because I kinda like her too. Have a great day everybody!!!