SUICIDE SQUIZZAAAAUUUDD!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Izzy & I had a wonderful opportunity to see a preview screening of a movie that I have been waiting YEARS to be released… and that is the latest movie from the DC Comics Cinematic Universe “Suicide Squad” from director David Ayer (“End of Watch”, “Fury” & “Sabotage”)!!! Now, for those who may not be aware… the Suicide Squad was a comic book series where a group of DC Villains are assembled by Amanda “The Wall” Waller (I’m not sure what her official title is other than “bad b**ch who runs sh*t” but something like director of some secret government agency) to basically use their powers to save the day as kind of… forced mercenaries (think Snake Pliskin in “Escape from NY”). In this movie, when Midway City is under a “terrorist attack” / Incan Witch Gods set on destroying humans, Amanda (Viola Davis) must assemble a team to take them out because… I guess Batman & Superman are busy in their own movie? Anyway, she assembles a team featuring the legendary mercenary Deadshot (Will Smith), the Joker’s ladyfriend Harley Quinn (Margot Robbie), Killer Croc (Adewale), Slipknot (Adam Beach cameo), Captain Boomerang (why does Hollywood like Jai Courtney?), Diablo (Jay Hernandez), Kitana (not Miho from Sin City), and led by decorated officer Rick Flagg (Joel Kinnaman)… who also happens to be banging the lady who one of the witch gods has possessed. Got it? Good… now let’s go to the Pros & Cons…

What I Liked About this Movie

·         The Premise of the Movie – Look, I’ve been excited about this movie for years… and it has such great potential… and some of the aspects really shined. They’re a group of misfits coming together to do something good. Check. Not all criminals are absolutely evil… even if all they do is kill a bunch of people with no remorse. Ugh… okay, I’ll allow it under the right circumstances I guess. The overrunning theme of “bad b**ch” saying jump through this hoop or I’ll ignite a grenade that’s lodged in your skull to do her bidding. Dark… I like it. I love Escape from New York… hell, even L.A. wasn’t too horrible… or “Lockout” / Space Jail which was the same story (so much so that they had to pay an undisclosed amount to John Carpenter this past week, but not this movie). What I’m saying is… there’s potential. This is basically the Guardians of the Galaxy of the D.C. Cinematic Universe… and in case you forget, they’ll remind you at any moment with everything from the makeup of the team, the soundtrack, the color schemes, all that stuff. Seriously, I kinda want to do a side-by-side of the two groups… but hey, Guardians made a LOT of money… and this movie probably will to.

·         Harley Quinn eye candy – It’s what she’s there for… let’s be honest. Is her superpower the ability to make a dead man come as Mick Jagger would say? She’s f**king insane, brings a baseball bat to a gun & fire fight, doesn’t provide any intel on the situation, and is constantly getting people killed by trying to escape with her boyfriend but… DAT ASS!!! GIVE THAT ASS A SPIN-OFF MOVIE!!! Oh wait, they already are… so yeah, for being an absolutely pointless character in the actual movie, I can’t wait for all the drunk chicks dressed as trailer trash with a baseball bat with their boyfriends dressed as Li’l Wayne meets David Bowie during Halloween this year… but more on that other guy later.

·         Will Smith – The man is Hollywood gold. He can act, he has all the charisma in the world… and when he’s not making sons for his son Jaden to ruin, he’s always making money for producers around the world. Without him, this movie never gets made. Maybe some half-ass version of it but… he really ends up leading this movie. Between him & Viola Davis as Amanda Waller, that’s really 80% of the actual acting going on in this movie, I think. Also, action-wise, the scene where Deadshot goes solo ape sh*t on the army of “tar monsters” or whatever they are… easily the high point of this movie. It’s what the whole movie should have been.

·         The Soundtrack – There’s a pretty prevalent theory out there that if your movie is sh*t, as long as you spend a lot of money on easily recognizable songs that keep people vested in the movie, you should do okay. Guardians did this. Deadpool did as well. However, there’s a very thin line before overcompensating and making a soundtrack absolutely ridiculous & annoying. Now… I have the soundtrack as something that I like on this movie because… it was okay. However, there were quite a number of points in the movie where I thought “this song doesn’t work here, there should be an orchestral score or something else… the music is stealing the scene, not complimenting it.” You’ll know the scenes when you see/hear them… but yeah, I’ll allow it in this case.

What I Didn’t Like About This Movie

·         “The Threat” – Look, I’m giving the drama introduced in this movie a pass because you need conflict for the movie to work. I get that. My question throughout the movie though was… okay, so a little backstory, the Enchantress & her Brother (Incan Witch God things) are these super powerful beings, thousands of years old, and are reawakened in present day Midway City. Humans no longer fear them… so they are devising this weapon to destroy all humans… and apparently it takes the Enchantress several hours of belly dancing & levitating about a hundred tanks & hummers in a giant orb a few hundred feet in the sky over a skyscraper to create this weapon while… her brother scratches himself in the corner? Okay, I dig it. What is this weapon? What could it possibly be that will destroy all humans? I mean… it’s not like they’ve been tearing through them like tissue paper anytime they approach them, or turning them into an army of tar monsters as I mentioned before. The weapon… is basically just a way to blast satellites… and satellite dishes… apparently knocking out our communications links & making it so the citizens of Midway City (and I assume the world) can’t play Pokemon Go. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Where’s Superman??? Is he at another congressional meeting??? (slaps forehead)

·         The Joker – Look… I admire that Jared Leto has gone full method acting into being a crazy f**k while preparing & playing the Joker role. I get it. I also know that without Joker & Batman playing a part in this movie you’re left with… Rick Flagg played by Robocop reboot guy (who actually did pretty damn good in my opinion but… kinda thought he looked like a meth head most of the time) and you need it to tie into the cinematic universe that they’re making. I know why the Joker is in the movie… but this Joker is not the Joker. In this movie, Joker is all psycho… with no fun or flair or charisma. Frankly, no idea why Harley Quinn or anybody would enjoy being in the same room as this guy… less fall in psychotic love with him. This Joker just seems so f**king angry all the time & is not enjoying himself, which is kind of the basis of his entire character. That f**king annoying laugh of his is the perfect example. Think of a good Joker laugh! You’re thinking of Mark Hamill’s from the animated series probably, right? Not the laughing pocket thing from Jack Nicholson’s pocket once the batteries wore out of the first Batman movie. He’s just not intimidating… or likeable… or anything that Joker should be. The love story with Harley is just more disturbing than anything relatable. I get it… their mental health is lacking. Also, he dresses horribly… but hey, colorful, right?

·         Captain Boomerang – WHY DOES HOLLYWOOD INSIST ON JAI COURTNEY??? He’s just not good! Also, the character is an Australian guy with mutton chops who throws boomerangs. Okay. What else you got? Oh, he chugs random beers in almost every scene? Awesome. What else you got? He carries a pink unicorn stuffy? You stole that from Deadpool! Why? Ugh… okay, well at least he does something at some point in the movie to help out in any way, right? NO!?!?!?!

·         Killer Croc – Sigh… do you remember Jamie Foxx as Electro in “The Amazing Spider-Man”? I’m fairly certain that they just adjusted the color of the costume from blue to green to make this character. Poor Adewale probably had to be in makeup for like six hour each day… to do little more than move like one of the monkeys from “Congo” and try his damnedest to make intelligible words come out of his mouth. He was supposed to be the Drax the Destroyer of the group but… ugh… nope. Bane was more intelligible than Killer Croc.

·         Adam Beach Cameo – Poor Slipknot… played by Native American actor Adam Beach (“Windtalkers”) but… well, let’s just say that when you’re introduced really late in the movie & your superpower is being “able to climb anything” that you might as well be wearing a red shirt in a Star Trek episode.

Overall Impression - I would definitely check out the movie. Thanks to the marketing & PG-13 rating and all the stuff that came up recently… I went into this movie was some low expectations, especially considering the badass potential of the premise. Jesus… WILL SMITH IS IN THIS MOVIE!!! MARGOT ROBBIE!!! Tom Hardy was almost in this movie until he was replaced with Robocop last minute. Amanda Waller makes her debut!!! JOKER & BATMAN!!! The movie was better than my low expectation… but not as good as what it could have been. Typical middle of the road stuff… and frankly, there are a few good scenes… and a few scenes that’ll make you question who the f**k made this movie (slow motion in the finale keeps popping up in my mind as “WHYYYY?”) but overall, compared to a lot of other movies out there, this wasn’t bad. There were… mixed reviews in the theatre that I watched it in afterwards… but more positive than negative. I hope there’s a good R-rated version of this movie coming out with the Director’s Cut but… I’m sure it’ll be middle of the road as well. Still though… DAT ASS!!!

Anyway, just a few thoughts to throw at you before you go & see the movie this weekend. Let me know what you think… maybe you’ll get a shout-out on the Everything I Learned From Movies Podcast!!! Have a great day everybody!!! I’ll be married the next time you hear from me…

NBA Free Agency is NUTS!!!

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

Wow! NBA Free Agency… is f**king nuts. I’m definitely going back to Utah and teaching my nephew Vinny to put all of his eggs into that basket and become a professional basketball player… or at the very least a left-handed pitcher in baseball. That way, he has a 1% chance of landing some ridiculous contract that’s going to make us all feel bad for wasting our lives on education & hard work. Chandler Parsons got $94 million??? You don’t even know who he is!!! Mike Conley is getting over $30 million a year in Memphis??? THAT’S KOBE MONEY!!! So much for being “the other guy at Ohio State” in Greg Oden’s shadow, I guess. Yes, I purposely did NOT say THE before Ohio State. Anyway, google it… it’s f**king ridiculous… and apparently only going to get worse next year. Kevin Durant has joined the Warriors… Pau Gasol is with the Spurs… Dwight Howard is in Atlanta… and Memphis spent a quarter billion dollars on two guys you’ve never heard of (Chandler Parsons & Mike Conley jr). Stay in school, kids!!! Until you get drafted…

Last week, I finally watched “The Revenant” starring Leonardo DiCaprio as Hugh Glass, a man who is mauled by a bear, and left for dead in the Old West… but not before a man who leaves him (Tom Hardy) kills his son… so the Power of Vengeance helps him to rise from what I can assume would be absolute death in the wilderness… and on a path to find his son’s killer. That’s basically the movie… and Downhall Gleeson’s in it. However, the movie was pretty f**king good. This movie is based on a true story (sort of… there was no son murder or anything, just being left for dead) but the movie is beautifully shot by director Alejandro Inarritu (“Birdman” & “Babel”) and there are some great performances and looooooong shots of pretty epic scenes… but also pretty gruesome… and some points where you really have to suspend your disbelief. That being said, I highly recommend checking it out as long as you’re okay with a little gore… and a LOT of low-angle tree shots and majestic shots of the Canadian wilderness. Check it out!

Izzy & I watched the latest Coen Brothers flick “Hail, Caesar!” which has an all star cast of Josh Brolin, George Clooney, Scarlett Johansson, Tilda Swinton, Channing Tatum, Ralph Fiennes, Frances McDormand, Jonah Hill, and out of f**king nowhere… CHRISTOPHER LAMBERT!!! By the way, he looked like Old Connor McLeod from “Highlander 2: The Quickening” in this movie with the makeup… but his part was brief. As for the movie… I feel like the Coen Brothers basically… just wanted to do a couple great homages to the Golden Age of movies like Fred Astaire dance numbers, those dance numbers with synchronized swimmers, somewhat cheesy soundstage army & gladiator movies, one actor/actress playing multiple characters obviously, and basically just wanted to do the scenes… but had to tie them all together somehow… and what you get is this movie. It’s about the head of studio trying to handle a ransom of its biggest star, without stopping production on the movie, and handling a starlet about to have a baby out of wedlock in the scandalous times for that… and he has a family for like three minutes… but yeah, don’t worry about all that. If you’re trying to make a coherent movie out of it… Were that it’were so simple… check it out if you like Coen Brothers stuff but… it’s barely above “Burn After Reading” for me personally. Not their best… and I saw the dance numbers in the previews leading up to the movie’s release and those are the best part.

I (not Izzy) also watched a newer movie called “Green Room” starring the late Anton Yelchin (so sad) & Sir Patrick Stewart. This movie is from the director of “Murder Party” Jeremy Saulnier and is the story of a punk band who takes a gig in the Virginia wilderness where it’s… essentially a skinhead neo-Nazi party, but that’s no big deal. That’s the clientele. Well, after their set, one of them goes back into the green room to grab a cell phone… and they see a body lying on the ground… and so they call 9-1-1 but then they’re essentially barricaded in the green room… and it’s revealed that the cops are not wanted in the area, because of not only the stabbing… but they also produce massive amounts of heroin directly under the green room/crime scene. Well, the owner of the establishment (Stewart) shows up to “clean up the mess” by… well, taking care of the witnesses. What follows after that… is pretty f**king awesome (and gruesome) and just a twisted little tale of backwoods butchery. I highly recommend checking it out… but I warn you that there’s a bit of blood… and guns… and machetes… and hungry dogs… and angry white people with swastika tattoos… and confederate flags… and adult language & situations… and all that stuff. I enjoyed the movie though.

Also, let us know if you’re interested in being a special guest host for upcoming movies. We’re currently laying out our slate for the month of August when we’ll be too busy getting hitched to do it the same week… so we’re looking to get some backlog so that you’re constantly entertained… and we want YOU to be a part of the magic! Come join us at Super Secret Podcast Studios and we’ll introduce you to the Castor & Mr. Pickles too!!!

The next episode of Everything I Learned From Movies will be… the 1997 sci-fi thriller “Event Horizon” which is currently streaming on Netflix, so check it out & then listen to us at eilfm.podbean.com. This movie is… Bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!!! Not only am I SUPER interested in what the movie could have been if it were released the way that the director wanted it to be… but THIS MOVIE ACTUALLY SAVED CINEMA FOR YEARS TO COME!!! SPECIFICALLY SUPERHERO MOVIES!!! How did it do this? You’ll have to listen to find out… but the story is pretty f**king awesome. In the meantime, have a great day everybody!!!

Beer Camp & Basketball Xmas 2016

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Last week, Izzy & I watched the 1963 flick “Shock Corridor” starring Peter Breck & written/directed by Sam Fuller. The movie is about a journalist who just wants to win the Pulitzer Prize… so his big idea is to pretend to be insane, get committed in a mental institution, and then tell stories of the inmates (???) and possibly… SOLVE A MURDER!!! Leading up to his commitment, his editor & a psychiatrist trains him to be insane… and his burlesque dancer girlfriend pretends to be his sister… and accuses him of incest, so he’s committed. Well… you can’t spend too much time in a mental institution before the other patients, medications, environment, physical conditions, and your own neuroses come out to destroy you… even if there wasn’t a murderer in the midst. The movie is black & white for the most part… and is REALLY cool & inventive for the time. You may get the feeling that you’ve seen elements of the movie before but… definitely check it out. It’s pretty entertaining… and there are nymphos! I think that just sold it for you, right? Remember that it’s still over 50 years ago when this movie was made. It’s pretty sweet.

 

Saturday, Izzy & I went to a beer festival… but not just any beer festival… this was Sierra Nevada’s Beer Camp which tours across the country featuring Sierra Nevada collaborations with many other breweries across the United States… and sometimes other countries too! This particular stop was at Pier 35 and featured dozens of other breweries, including our buddies at Elevation 66 Brewing & FDR (Ferment.Drink.Repeat.) and hundreds of different beers to try… so we were well nourished with regards to barley, hops, water & yeast… and plenty of other adjuncts. Here are some pictures…

 

Sunday night was (the predetermined months ago by the NBA & the actions since the end of Game 4 have obviously proven that) Game 7 of the NBA Finals here in the Bay Area where the record-setting Golden State Warriors went up against the Cleveland LeBrons… and basically Cleveland won its first pro sports championship in over half a century, due to a combination of great personal performances, and the officiating was being reproach… okay, that last one was BS, but it doesn’t matter. They’re not going to change anything so what’s the f**king point. Regardless, the Warriors did well, as did the Cavaliers… and just like the Highlander, there can only be one winner of the Prize. Also, in case you missed the Finals… apparently there’s a “Ghostbusters” reboot coming out… and based on their marketing of everything, it’s really looking like it’s going to suck & they’re trying to get everybody out there opening weekend. Anyway, congratulations to Cleveland!!! Golden State, hopefully we’ll see you back in the Western Conference Finals next year… losing horribly to the San Antonio Spurs on their way to another title.

 

Speaking of predetermined months ago… Basketball’s Christmas has come and passed in the form of the 2016 NBA Draft… and the lottery gave the first two picks to the Philadephia 76ers (within days of them firing  GM Sam Hinkie who spent the past four seasons making a mockery of the NBA draft system by being historically bad & bringing tanking to the forefront, so surprise surprise once he’s out they finally get the #1 pick) and the Los Angeles Lakers (finally without Kobe & last year’s #2 pick is obviously a teenager, so they can now rebuild in the nation’s 2^nd largest market) and everybody pretty much knew who was going with those picks. However, the rest was kind of bonkers… and I like it. Here are some highlights and thoughts…

 

1.       Philadelphia – Ben Simmons – Forward from LSU – Everybody has been touting him as the next LeBron James for two full years now… and his one year at LSU was pretty impressive as he was apparently the only person on that team when he showed up & they didn’t even WANT to be in the postseason tournaments so… in that respect, he’s a lot like Shaquille O’Neal a generation ago. From what I’ve seen, he has a LOT of skills and I really can’t see him NOT being the #1 pick. Need more convincing? The coach of the 76ers (former Spurs assistant Brent Brown) coached Ben’s father in Australia back in the day. Need more? What the f**k else is Philadelphia going to do? Seriously, they need to do something… otherwise the NBA will move them to Seattle or something as punishment for mocking them. Allegedly we may finally get to see a real basketball team in Philadelphia instead of a team the Washington Generals would have a chance against. Let this be the year!!! Tanking works!!! Philly also used later first round picks on international players Frenchman Timothe Luwawu & Turkish player Furkan Korkmaz (or as I’m going to call him… “FURK YEAH!!!”). With the potential of trading away their plethora of big men from past drafts (Okafor, Noel, Embiid, Siric, etc) the Sixers may be a player in the bottom half of the East next year & built for the future… or they may still suck. Who knows? Good draft though maybe…

 

2.       Los Angeles – Brandon Ingram – Forward from Duke – Kobe is finally gone… so let’s now get the Lakers back into the NBA landscape. They have… well, they don’t have a lot to work with. I like Julius Randle’s game… but it really hasn’t taken off. Jordan Clarkson & D’Angelo Russell are in the backcourt but… apparently D’Angelo really is a teenager. Swaggy P or whatever Nick Young is calling himself… is a goddamn joke. Brandon Ingram has great skills… and will have to lead the Lakers from the start. However, he’s from Duke… and as has been documented, there aren’t a lot of superstars to come out of Duke the past few decades. However, there have been some great role players. Hopefully Brandon can break the trend… but let’s be honest, who gives two sh*ts about the Lakers. They’re really trying to go after Kevin Durant or somebody who’ll probably play the same position as Ingram so that’s where the real play is. The Lakers haven’t drafted well since the 80s. They get their star players through free agency. Money talks. They also drafted the 2^nd best 7-foot Croatian in the draft, Ivica Zubac so… we might be pretty good too? Lakers will probably rebuild through free agency.

 

3.       Boston – Jaylen Brown – Guard from California – This was a bit of a surprise… but apparently he’s a tremendous athlete & great size for the point position and super young. Here’s the thing… the Celtics came into the draft with EIGHT picks… and basically used SIX of them… and sent the other two for a 1^st rounder next year, where they already had 2 first-rounders. They were talking about trying to trade for established superstars (or at least Jimmy Butler or the Sixers’ castaways) but they got Brown, some French guy nobody has heard of (Guerschon Yabusele), another tall European guy (Ante Zizic), Notre Dame point guard Demetrius Jackson (not bad), a guy from Providence named Ben Bentil, and another European guy (Abdel Nader). So there’s young talent but… a LOT of them for a team that already has a LOT of young talented prospects but no real superstar (until they trade for Kevin Love or something). You know who’s good at developing young talent? Brad Stevens, the coach who led f**king BUTLER to the championship game TWICE and then has been heading up a gaggle of nobodies in Boston for the past few seasons.

 

4.       Phoenix – Dragan Bender – 7-foot Croatian - Yes, I know… the mysterious “seven-footer” from some Eastern European country that doesn’t have the last name Nowitzki… he’s bound to suck, right? Probably. However, here’s why I think the Celtics may bite on him. First & foremost, he’s apparently really 7 feet tall… and you can’t teach that. He’s also super young like most European exports. One key difference, he actually looks proportionate to his 7 foot frame, not super skinny like Krystaps last year or anything like that. He’s got skills already but will need to develop. He could totally be a Pao Gasol / Chris Bosh kind of player very easily… or another Alex Len or something. We shall see. The Suns also traded four late round picks / busts for the 8^th pick in the draft to grab Washington forward Marquese Chriss. Everybody seems really high on this kid & I’ve never seen him play… but apparently he’s 6’9” and can jump out of the f**king gym. Now a player like that might be really good & marketable in Phoenix if it all works out… and they also got a very good (short) point guard in tournament darling Tyler Ulis. That’s a fantastic draft in my humble opinion. LOTS of potential high-risk / high-reward picks… go big or go home in 105 degree heat in spring.

 

5.       Minnesota – Kris Dunn – Guard from Providence – Apparently Minnesota is FINALLY over Ricky Rubio and whatever they say in him for what seems like forever. They have their key talent now with guys like Andrew Wiggins, Karl-Anthony Towns, Shabazz Muhammed, etc. but they need somebody who can provide some leadership and set them up to succeed. Enter a four-year starter in college with good size to take over a bit of a leadership role. With new coach Tom Thibodeau having more of an emphasis on defense too, I can really see this working out for them.

 

6.       New Orleans – Buddy Hield – Guard from Oklahoma – Let the record show that I LOVE Buddy Hield’s game. What I’ve seen from him this season in college is… Steph Curry-like. He can just take over a game on offense & has range for days. So why is he at #7 then? Well… he’s absolutely ancient by draft standards at 22 years old… he’s not much of a passer / facilitator from what I’ve seen… and his defense is questionable. He may also be a little too short at 6’4” to be a major threat as a spot-up shooter unless he learns to come off screens or pull some Steph Curry moves to get open. That being said… he’s an all-day three-point shooter, has some great skills all around on offense… and can really help out in spreading out the floor for Anthony Davis down low and work well with their other guards like Jrue Holiday & Tyreke Evans… basically replacing Eric Bledsoe who’s leaving apparently. Honestly, he may be the steal of the draft. He has heart… and as Steph Curry can show, sometimes when heart meets drive, you can make a superstar out of somebody who gets doubted & scrutinized his whole life. They also picked up Kansas forward Cheick Diallo who basically rode the bench so who knows… but rooting for the Pelicans.

 

7.       Denver – Jamal Murray – Guard from Kentucky – He’s a one-and-done guy from Kentucky who is 19 years old and doesn’t really play defense. That being said, he’s very young, great scorer & penetrator, good ball skills that’ll need to develop, good size for a point guard, and can really help the Nuggets by distributing, shooting when needed & setting up those around him to do what they do. Unfortunately, there’s just not a lot to work with in Denver right now. They did pick up FSU guard Malik Beasley at #19 & Spanish superstar Juan Hernangomez at #15 who may play in a year or two… so may be a year or two away from competing? Who knows?

 

9.       Toronto – Jakob Poeltl – Center from Utah – Huge German guy who played at the U of U, goes to Toronto where they LOVE their international players & atmosphere, totally picked this one before the draft (actually I had the same players within one pick of where they were taken for these first 9 picks… and then it all fell apart). He’s a tall center who can score at times & be a defender if only in taking up space. He’s a bit of a project… but I really like the idea of him holding it down in Toronto. I think the Raptors would like that too. They also drafted Pascal Siakam late in the first round from New Mexico State, who’s a 6’9” big fish in a small pond… but has the potential to be a Kenneth Faried-type player with some work. We shall see.

 

10.   Milwaukee – Thon Maker – Center from… Australia, I think? – Mr. Maker didn’t go to college, and instead went pro in Australia or something… and wasn’t too impressive in actual competition but is tall, skinny and… has seen a basketball before. The Bucks may have really reached on this pick. In the right environment for development, he can blossom I’m sure but… I just don’t see it. Doesn’t Milwaukee already have John Henson? Thon seems like John Henson. Tall, skinny, maybe can block shots. Oh well, they also drafted Virginia guard Malcolm Brogdon early in the 2^nd round which seems like a great pickup. He’s a guard in that Alvin Robertson – Avery Bradley – Tony Allen – Bruce Bowen mold where they are defensive minded but can also get buckets from time to time. I like that pick a lot better than their first.

 

11.   Oklahoma City – Domantas Sabonis – Forward from Gonzaga – God damn it… I think the Thunder somehow won Draft Night. They traded center Serge Ibaka for this pick as well as former #2 overall pick Victor Oladipo & defensive specialist Eryan Ilyasova. This is an absolutely INCREDIBLE haul for a player who, while I love, was just completely out of place with Oklahoma City. Oh well, maybe he’s a better fit in Orlando… but they almost immediately replace him with the more offensive-minded Domantas “Son of Arvydas” Sabonis but he can develop well with fellow young big men Steven Adams & Enes Kanter. Dang, the Thunder may still be a contender even if Kevin Durant goes somewhere but… probably not going to happen.

 

12.   Atlanta – Taurean Prince – Forward from Baylor – I hear this guy is good… that’s all I’ve got… but seems like one of those long, lean athletic types. The Hawks also got a versatile passing forward type at #21 with St. Joseph’s DeAndre Bembry and then a 2^nd round French guy named Isaiah Cordinier so… who knows?

 

14.   Chicago – Denzel Valentine – Swiss Army Knife from Michigan State – I LOVE this guy’s game. He’s basically Draymond Green when he came out a few years ago… and waited until the 2^nd round to get picked up… and look at him now!!! Valentine does it all… and is a great leader on the court… and can play multiple positions. Correction: HE will be the steal of the draft. If I’m the Spurs, I’m looking to trade up to get Denzel Valentine. F**k! Even his name is f**king awesome!!! This is actually a great pick for the Bulls after earlier this week they traded away their former franchise player Derrick Rose to the Knicks for Robin Lopez and other dead weight. Let the rebuild begin! They also drafted a German forward named Paul Zipser… but I don’t know anything about him other than how to speak to him in his native tongue a little bit.

 

17.   Memphis - Wade Baldwin IV – Guard from Vanderbilt – With Mike Conley being a free agent, they need to secure up the backcourt… I think Baldwin was the best backcourt player available… and he can light it up from three… and just seems like a good point to start. They also snagged up a raw DeAndre Jordan / Andre Drummond type in Michigan State center Deyonta Davis at #31, a Croatian wing player Rade Zagorac at #35 & a Chinese guy named Wang Zhelin at #57. Not a bad draft for them… but we’ll see how it all works out in free agency too.

 

18.   Detroit - Henry Ellenson – Forward from Marquette – He plays a lot like this year’s Doug McDermott where he could be the next Kevin Love… or another slightly overweight white guy who shoots threes. However, in the highlight reels that I’ve seen (because seriously, who watched Marquette since D-Wade graduated? Do you even know where Marquette is? Spoiler alert: It’s Milwaukee… so surprised he wasn’t taken by the Bucks with the #10 pick) he seems like a pretty good player in that “Stretch-4” mold and can help space things out for the Pistons so that the post doesn’t get too crowded… and Andre Drummond can grab offensive boards and dunk that stuff in… after he learns to shoot free throw.

 

25.  L.A. Clippers – Brice Johnson – Forward from North Carolina – He another long, lanky, athletic guy who has good passing & shooting skills that needs to bulk up… but you just can’t sit on those NC big men. They’re wiry good. Might be a great fit for filling in for Blake Griffin off the bench to start & then go from there. I also think that the Clippers drafted the Name of the Draft at #40 with Vanderbilt center Diamond Stone!!! The competition is between him & Denzel Valentine. Cast your vote now!

 

28.   Sacramento – Skal Labissiere – Center from Kentucky – This guy was the #1 recruit & the second coming of Anthony Davis just over a year ago. I was so excited when he was still around with the Spurs picking at #29… it was meant to be… then the Kings had to go & f**k it up by taking them one spot ahead. Why was he this late in the draft? He played one year of college on a loaded Kentucky team and… well, now everybody is saying late lottery at best. Here, he’s a low-risk/high-reward kind of player that brings great size (will have to put some weight on eventually) but can help on defense while still providing some offensive rebounding, etc. This could be a GREAT steal at #28 for Sacramento. DAMN IT!!! The Kings also actually grabbed TWO EARLIER 1^st ROUNDERS BEFORE THIS GUY with Greek center Georgios Papagiannis at #13 & Syracuse guard Malachi Richardson at #22. Three first rounders for the kings… and they now have three highly touted Kentucky big men in DeMarcus Cousins, Willie Cauley-Stein & Labissiere… damn. Not bad.

 

29.   San Antonio – Dejounte Murray – Guard from Washington – I hear nothing but good things about this guy (as again, didn’t see him & Maurquese Chriss play at Washington) but he has great size & skills apparently… so I’m already dubbing him the future replacement for Tony Parker… and steal of the draft (as usual). ALL HAIL THE DYNASTY!!!

 

52.   Utah – Joel Bolomboy – Forward from Weber State – With trades, they picked up guard George Hill from the Pacers in exchange for the #12 pick… and then continued to just pile up run-of-the-mill point guards by drafting North Carolina’s Marcus Paige at #55 and California’s Ty Wallace at #60… but I absolutely love the game of Weber State alum Joel Bolomboy. He’s a big bodied rebounder & defender who can put it back with the best of them. He’s in that Charles Oakley / Draymond Green / DeJuan Blair mold where he’s built like a brick sh*t house… a little undersized for the position… but makes up for it in heart… and I absolutely love that kind of player. I was also hoping the Spurs would snag him up… but alas, they had no 2^nd round picks… and the Jazz used their first of three late 2^nd rounder on him. I can’t wait to see him up against pro competition.

 

 

Anyway, as usual, just my thoughts & predictions… and as we all know, I’m only 100% correct about 52% of the time… and when you’re right 52% of the time, you’re wrong 48% of the time. Okay, so really I’m more like… 75% when I predict the end results of the picks… but hey, I make my money in another sector.

 

The latest episode of the Everything I Learned From Movies podcast is up and it’s Izzy & I talking about the “Highlander” Cinematic Universe. It’s pretty fun… check it out!!!

 

However, the next episode if a People’s Choice winner… since we got a wonderful bargain basement 4-Pack of Sylvester Stallone movies and there’s just too much awesome for one episode… so the people have spoken… and our next episode will be… “Over the Top”!!! By far the greatest movie about Arm Wrestling that features kidnapping, grand theft auto, assault with a deadly semi-truck & a father-son road trip. This wonderful movie is currently streaming on Netflix so check it out & let us know what you think. You could be featured on the next episode. In the meantime, have a wonderful day everybody!!!