Batman v. Superman: Bop 'Em in Gotham

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Last night, Izzy & I got a special invite to a screening of “Batman vs. Superman: Dawn of Justice” a full… maybe 24 hours prior to its worldwide release… but the price was right, so we went to see this EPIC movie featuring a load of costumed superheroes. This movie is basically the real jump-off point for the DC Cinematic Universe… and based on the previews leading up to it… I had some mixed feelings going in… but love for most of the characters… mainly the ones that I’m familiar with (Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman… not so familiar with Flash, Aquaman, Martian Manhunter, etc.) This movie starts out summing up the origin story of Batman (Ben Affleck) during the opening credits, which was great… because we’ve seen it a number of times in the various incarnations & flashbacks in the sequels. Then it picks up with the finale of “Man of Steel” where Superman (Henry Cavill) is battling General Zod (Michael Shannon), but it’s shown from the point of view of Bruce Wayne/Batman as a human from the streets of Metropolis… so building are falling left & right… thousands of casualties that were brushed over in “Man of Steel”. Then it fast forward to 18 months later… and the world is divided between those who see Superman as some sort of God to help us… and others as an Alien Threat that will destroy us all if he has a bad day. Then there’s the discovery a large chunk of green rock that can possibly be used as a weapon against Superman & his kind… and then probably the two richest people on Earth, Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg) and Bruce Wayne, want it as a bit of deterrence against Superman. Look, basically check out the original trailer from a few months ago and you have the story. Lex uses the alien technology from the crashed ship to make Doomsday. Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot) makes a few brief appearances. That’s about all the spoilers that I’m going to give… and you got all that from the trailer. Here’s the breakdown:

  

Things I Liked About This Movie:

 

·         Wonder Woman – This is going to be the thing that everybody takes away from this movie… that Wonder Woman is the best part. I have a few theories on why this is… and it starts with that it’s basically a glorified cameo. Look, Gal Gadot is a fetching creature… and a decent actress in small doses. Can she pull a whole movie? Who knows? I assume there’s a reason that she hasn’t yet… but she will soon enough with the “Wonder Woman” movie coming soon, so then we’ll have an answer. She does a good job. Her accent isn’t that unnerving (which was a concern of mine) because you know… she’s French but could also pass for Greek as accents go… and compared with the Batman voice that this Batman has, there’s other things to worry about. Regardless, she does great. It’s a great intro to her character. We shall see if she can pull the lead role… but this movie is basically about 60% Batman movie, 30% Superman, 10% everybody else combined.

 

·         Visually Intriguing – Director Zach Snyder has a very distinct style… and the most notably is the very rich, dark, saturated color tone to basically every single frame of film. It’s pretty to look at, there’s lots of CGI (most of it is pretty decent), you’ve probably all seen “300”, “Watchmen”, “Sucker Punch”, “Man of Steel”, even “Dawn of the Dead” had elements of it… and what 90% of people talk about when they talk about those movies is just how pretty they were & how they were pretty imaginative for the time & badass from a visual standpoint. This movie is no different in that regard.

 

·         Sound Effects – In the theatre, the musical score is booming, every single character seems to have their own intro music like it’s WWE almost, the explosions, crunches, cracks, metal bending, all that is pretty intense & matches for the most part. Due to the epic scale of the movie, that’s good… because when a whole city is collapsing… or titanic beings are battling to the death… it can really take you out of a movie quick if the sound is a little off point. Also, director Zach Snyder get special recognition for using two songs from Richard Cheese & Lounge Against the Machine (probably the greatest band you may have never heard of) as he did originally in “Dawn of the Dead” with their rendition of “Down with the Sickness”. They’re subtle in the movie obviously… but I caught it… and I have to rep for Richard Cheese.

 

·         Story is… Decent – I was a little worried that this movie was going to get very full of itself and really be pushing the whole Man vs. God thing… and that’s exactly what happened… like… repeated to a point of tedium… in case you went to the bathroom a few times during the lengthy run time. That being said though, they at least tried to make it intriguing from both points of view… and basically show that when people are scared, they do rash things. Whether it’s Batman wanting to keep Superman in check, because he used to be the big dick in the Gotham/Metropolis area & that has changed… or Lex Luthor fearing that all of his power from knowledge and/or privilege is now absolutely worthless in regards to Superman’s pure physical presence… or Superman just wanting to be a nice guy who protects people but he feels nothing but resent from those that he tries to protect… or Lois Lane for just being a f**king idiot / plot device who has a brief bathtub scene that… I actually rather enjoyed in just how silly & pointless it was. Anyway, the story was better than it really had to be… and is meant to be thought provoking, which I appreciate in what could be a very simple silly story & still make Brinks trucks of cash.

 

Things I Didn’t Like About This Movie:

 

·         Lex Luthor – Look, I think Jesse Eisenberg is a great actor in the few movies that I’ve seen him in. I love Gene Hackman as Lex Luthor in the old Superman movies. Hell, I liked Kevin Spacey in “Superman Returns” which everybody else hated. Even the construct of the character in this movie as a young Zuckerberg-type who has limitless financial means, incredible intelligence & ultimate contempt for everybody else in the world for his own personal gains & desires… really seems to work as a great plot forwarding device. You know, why else would Batman & Superman fight? That is except for the fact that Batman technically is a vigilante & Superman is Team America: World Police? However… watching this movie… I kept seeing the performance & mannerisms as matching up with a movie that I haven’t seen in nearly 20 years… and that was the Carrot Top vehicle “Chairman of the Board.” Also, nobody will ever touch him apparently. Superman, Batman, the government, they all just… kind of let him do whatever he wants… right in front of them… while monologuing… and they just kind of sit there… doing nothing. I’m actually kind of surprised that (spoiler alert) Lex Luthor gets arrested at the end. You know… he only tried to kill THE F**KING WORLD BY UNLEASHING AN UNHOLY ABOMINATION!!! “Ooooh, let’s shave his head & throw him in a cell.” Ridiculous…

 

·         Young Bruce Wayne Flying with the Bats – During the opening credits… you’ll see it… and when I saw it, I leaned over to Izzy and said “Oh God… this is not a good start…”

 

·         Superman’s Ever Growing List of Weaknesses – Look, I also understand that you have to give Superman weaknesses. That’s why Kryptonite exists, because otherwise he’d just kind of go through and solve the world’s problems almost inexplicably (like how he saves Lois & others in this movie). However… his ever-growing list of weakness includes his relationship with Lois… his mother Martha Kent (Diane Lane) back in Kansas… and frankly, his number one weakness… is his own stupidity. “UGH! I must do these horrible things to destroy the world to save Lois (who spoiler alert, is also part of the world)” Anyway, plot forwarding… I can look past this one a little bit.

 

·         Zack Snyder Tropes ABOUND!!! – As I mentioned, Zack Snyder has a very distinct style. Slow motion is EVERYWHERE!!! The run time in this movie could easily be a half hour shorter if they didn’t have dozens of scenes with super slow motion stuff going on… but it’s at least well hidden by the aforementioned soundtrack. The Physics in this world are… let’s say exaggerated or disregarded completely. There’s also a lot of the usual problems with these movies where… for example… a character may be able to pick up vehicles and toss them like a baseball in one scene… and then REALLY have to struggle with opening a door in the next scene. I don’t want to give away specific examples in this movie… but you’ll see them. Also, there’s a lots of guys with abs in this movie… but that’s standard Snyder. Heck, there’s a montage with Batman doing a P90X workout so that Affleck can show off his bod… and when Superman goes before Congress, suuuuuuper slow mo so that he can show off every single bulge in his suit.

 

·         Action Scenes are Hit or Miss – I have this one at the end because it’s kind of a like/dislike. I’m not going to be one of those super purist nerds who’s going to say that “Superman doesn’t kill” and “Batman doesn’t use guns” because… let’s be real… they do. Superman kills a lot of innocent bystanders while saving millions of people… that’s just fact, even in the comics. Also… especially in past movies, Batman uses guns… but in this movie, he uses LOTS of guns!!! Hell, you’ve seen the trailer by now, right? Did you notice that in the iconic scene where you see Superman, Wonder Woman & Batman together on screen… that Batman has the world’s largest f**king shotgun/grenade launcher at his disposal? Anyway, as for the fight scenes themselves, some are pretty tight & concise… others are just really confusing… and again, part of it is the fluctuation of physics in this cinematic universe… and I feel like this was Zach Snyder trying to touch on as many genre as possible. There’s car chase scenes like a “Fast & Furious” movie. There’s fight scenes that are the usual super-epic superhero stuff… as well as ones that are reminiscent of Asian movies like “Raid: Redemption” or “Oldboy” in their ferocity. It’s just kind of a mixed bag though.

 

Overall, you pretty much have to watch this movie if you like comics… and it’s not bad by any means. In fact, I would say that it’s pretty good and a decent start point for the whole “Justice League” franchise and all of its spin-offs. However, there are going to be plenty of times watching it where you think to yourself “What the…? What am I watching right now? Why is this in here?” It has a few flaws… but then again… as is constantly crammed down our throats, we all have flaws… especially our superheroes. Go check it out!

 

Also, Monday night the roommates and I hashed out some minor grievances over beer & wine, followed it up with “Tucker & Dale Versus Evil” and then a new movie that sounded interesting called “Lazarus Effect” starring Olivia Wilde, Mark Duplass, Donald Glover & Evan Peters. This movie is about a group of Berkeley scientists who start out attempting to restimulate brain cells and grow new cells, etc… and somehow slip on a way to actually reanimate dead dogs… and I assume future animals with testing. Then the pharmaceutical company that gave them the grant step in to steal their research… and so they decide to break into the lab & do it again… despite the dog that they brought back from the dead having some… odd ultraviolent side effects. Well… something goes wrong during the experiment… and the superhot scientist (Wilde) ends up getting electrocuted. What to do? Bring her back, of course! You don’t need another corpse on your record. Well… it works… but then she starts having some serious side effects as well.

 

Okay, I remember hearing about this movie… and then NOTHING! Apparently it was made in 2013… and then released over two years later (never a good sign) when the surprisingly good cast really caught fire or something. Fun fact: David Gelb, the director of this movie actually did a pretty good job of keeping the atmosphere of the movie creepy… even when the script towards the end took a serious turn to the ridiculous. What has he done in the past? Well… he did the documentary “Jiro Dreams of Sushi” and… that’s about it. Overall, I thought the movie was pretty good. There were obvious flaws, but the acting was pretty good… the atmosphere was creepy… I kept thinking about “Deep Blue Sea” while watching it… but where that movie is ridiculous throughout, this one is a little more rooted in reality & not spitting one-liners or anything. I’d say check it out. It’s a scant 83 minutes WITH credits.

 

This past weekend, we also stopped by SFHG founding member Kevin’s homebrew shop / taproom / brewery that we’ve been (small time) investors in for the past few years, Ferment.Drink.Repeat. The location is not quite open (hopefully in the next few weeks) but it’s well on its way… and the homebrew shop portion is open during select hours. Congratulations to Kevin & his wife Shae for getting this monstrous adventure off the ground! Here are some pictures…

 

We also brewed up an IPA with hops that we had lying around (mostly from NHC) and some ingredients from FDR... this first one is a picture of our Mountain Brew that we enjoyed while making it...

 

 

In summation, our latest episode of the Everything I Learned From Movies Podcast (eilfm.podbean.com) will be posted by the time that you read this… and spoiler alert, we’re probably going to talk about Batman v Superman a bit… but check out our review of “Leprechaun in Da Hood” as well as a few surprises. Until then, have a great day everybody!!!

Prince of Punishment

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Tuesday night, Izzy & I went to the San Francisco Homebrewers Guild Monthly Meeting at Chez Poulet… previously most meetings had been held at Anchor Brewing but due to our group growing beyond their capacity, we’ve had to start moving around venues… which has its own pros & cons… but let’s focus on the pros, which is creating a different atmosphere & experience with each meeting as well as keeping the main core values in spreading the good word of homebrewing and the cooperative community that the group provides. At this meeting, we also unveiled our new trophy for Homebrew Club of the Year from the California State Fair Homebrew Competition… because we had far & away the most award-winning beers this year!!!

 

 

 

 

 
 

After discussing events coming up in the next few months (more to come in future entries), one of the Guild’s founder Mr. Kevin Inglin gave a great talk about Mash Temperatures and how they’ll effect your beer on a chemical level, including all the various enzymes, malt sugars, and even various strategies for stabilizing & controlling the temperature during the mashing process. It was a great talk from a man who’s been homebrewing for almost twenty years now & will hopefully have his nanobrewery/homebrew shop open soon. Here are some pictures…

 

Also Monday night, Izzy & I had a little bit of a John Carpenter marathon with movies that we hadn’t seen… starting with 1987’s “Prince of Darkness” starring Donald Pleasance and… well… Alice Cooper is in it briefly as “Street Schizo” but that’s really about it. Egg Shen & Wang Chi from “Big Trouble in Little China” are in it but… yeah, not a lot of star power. The story is about a team of researchers who found this giant cylinder that… looks like it contains a green tornado in it… in this old deserted church… and basically in trying to figure it out & open it, they very well may release the Devil / Satan / Prince of Darkness and bring about the end of the world. That’s the one liner about it… but it’s really more like this. A bunch of stupid science nerds who aren’t particularly good at what they do, an old priest & some crazy Asian liberal arts professor meet up at a church where there’s this cylinder holding… what they can only even fathom is either a nuclear core, the worst plague imaginable, or according to their limited research… a 7 million year old harbinger of Death. Oh… and before they even enter the church, a small army of homeless people led by Alice Cooper basically surround them like zombies to keep them in the church. When the researchers take their naps while doing research, they all share the same dream consisting of an 8 mm film snippet complete with a warning that they’re going to unleash some sort of dark angel… yet they still continue. Well, spoiler alert… but something comes out of it… but it’s basically green ooze (the Devil’s semen?) and basically it’s shot into a girl’s mouth… and then she projectile vomits into another girl’s mouth… and then she vomits into another guy’s mouth… all the while, nobody seems to know where anybody is… but it doesn’t mean they’re going to really do anything about it… or they’ll see that one of their people are acting weird like a zombie… or slashing their own throat… or turning into beetles… and still they’ll do absolutely nothing. Seriously, I was getting frustrated during this movie… because nobody… f**king… did… any… thing… ever. It was sooooo f**king slow… and sooooo f**king stupid… and the dialogue was ridiculously bad… and I basically couldn’t stand it. I wanted them all to die. Well, except Wang Chi… but by the end, I was even willing to part with that if it meant an end to the movie. Oh… and the ending… ugh… who f**king cares? I did not care for it… sorry John, not your best by any means. Waste of two hours… and not even in the kitschy kind of way that I love… just f**king boring and stupid… with all due respect.

  

 

Next up was his most recent full scale production “The Ward” starring Amber Heard (Depp? Really?), Lynsey Fonseca and Jared Harris. This movie is about a crazy hot arsonist (Heard) who is sentenced to a psychiatric ward after burning down a house. Now… right away you’ll notice that the ward is a little different because… it’s basically filled with f**king supermodels. No joke. Every single person in this particular ward is an 18-29 year old superhottie… with various mental issues… but not the serious kind… the more like… it’s as if the cast of “Mean Girls” were on the set of “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” but they wore… well, most of the time they wore exactly the same things they would’ve if they were in a high school… incredibly form-fitting blouses & jeans… occasionally a gown but… yeah, odd. Anyway, shortly after getting there (like I think this all takes place over the course of a few days?) she starts to realize that girls are being killed off… and then she learns about a killer ghost of a former patient… except the main doctor (Harris) thinks it’s all in her head… so even as girls are being killed off, they seem to do nothing. Why? What are they hiding? Yeah, the movie has a pretty good “Shutter Island” kind of vibe to it once you get past the fact that it’s a psych ward for starlets… and I actually enjoyed it, definitely a lot more than “Prince of Darkness.” As for the ending, you can kind of see it coming… but it’s pretty well done… except that it’s completely unfeasible in all reality. Maybe I’ll have to do a top ten list of those… Movie Endings that are absolutely ridiculous & unfinished though allegedly based in reality. Anyway, maybe down the road… that’ll take a lot of research to get the good ones for you. Not going to spoil this one though… go check it out… help support a decent, independent filmmaker like John Carpenter.

 

Wednesday night, we watched a movie that had somehow slipped through the cracks for me when it first came out, “Punisher: War Zone” starring Ray Stevenson & Dominic West. This is a re-reboot of the famous Marvel comic book “Punisher” which had originally been brought to the screen in the late 80’s with Dolph Lundgren as the star, then in 2004 with Thomas Jane (and John Travolta as the bad guy), and this movie was released in late 2008. For those who don’t know the basic story, Frank Castle is a former cop/war hero who was trying to lead the good life… until his family is brutally murdered (in this version, apparently during a picnic at an Old Navy commercial backdrop) and he then becomes a vigilante who exacts justice for criminals who slip through the cracks in the justice system. No, he’s not Daredevil. He doesn’t have superpowers & he’s not blind… nor is he Batman because although he apparently has a full arsenal at his disposal, he’s not a billionaire who dresses up in a rubber suit… basically he’s Batman if Bruce Wayne just loaded up on bulletproof vests, machine guns, rocket launchers & frag grenades and just decided that instead of putting criminals in Arkham Asylum to be released/escape a month later, he just did a quick double tap followed by evisceration of the corpse. He doesn’t even wear a helmet while he does it. Basically he’s a bit of an 80’s badass in the Rambo, Commando mold… but in this day & age (especially with the last decade’s shoot-em-up news stories) it’s not nearly the same appeal as it once was.

 

In this edition of the Punisher, after the Jane-Travolta movie didn’t do so well with audiences because it was either too dark for the PG-13 crowd that it tried to get or too weak & predictable for comic book fans, this version was meant as a full R-Rated version that wanted to be dark, violent, sickening, basically what the newer versions of the comic books were… and it pulled it off pretty tremendously. This is kind of a sequel to the Jane-Travolta version in which it takes place 4-5 years after the events of that movie… and the Punisher has been “takin’ care of business” and cleaning the streets of wrong doers… until he almost singlehandedly takes out the local crime syndicate… but accidentally takes out an undercover federal agent. Now the Feds have to take him down… and also, one of the few generals left in the crime syndicate is still alive (even after being ran through… some kind of glass pulversizer machine?) and emerges as the villain… JIGSAW!!! Jigsaw (West) then breaks his brother Looney Bin Jim out of… I assume another wing of the asylum from “The Ward” (same kind of super lax security) and they want revenge… and to get $12 million for facilitating the transfer of some dirty bombs to local terrorists. Who can save us? The Punisher!!! Okay, that’s the story… or at least the first act or so… but it’s all about the execution of the story… and I’ll admit… everybody in this f**king movie sounds like they have a weird Irish twist to their respective accents. The Punisher doesn’t speak much… so it’s hidden well… but Jigsaw sounds like an Englishman doing his worst Italian-wopdago stereotype (and I love Dominic West, don’t get it twisted)… and there’s even a Jamaican parkour guy who sounds like Bobby O’Marley… but aside from that, the movie is spot on. It’s extremely unabashedly violent… the mood is always dark… there’s always hues of red & green to almost every frame… even the sound effects sounds like the engineers were having a field day with KY jelly, grapes, mac & cheese, breaking glass and all kind of other muted breaking noises… HE PUNCHES THROUGH A GUY’S FACE!!! I read a little bit about this movie on IMDb… and there are WELL over a hundred DIFFERENT KINDS of guns used in this movie… and the death toll is probably in the Top 10 Movie Death Tolls of all time... but I enjoyed it. If you’re down for a total Man Movie, then I’d say check it out! You could do a LOT worse! There are some scenes where you’ll just go “F**K!!! Hahahaha… that was pretty awesome!”

 

It also got me thinking… about how the Punisher hasn’t been in the Marvel Universe. This movie came out a few months after the first Iron Man movie… and was under the “Marvel Knights” company… which apparently is separate from the more financially successful Marvel team (as it’s composed of this movie & the 2^nd Ghost Rider abortion a few years later) and is apparently for the more… let’s say EXTREME Marvel Universe where you can have gun-toting vigilantes & minions of Satan where there’s actual death tolls (as opposed to one character being killed off in “Avengers” movie and then brought back for a TV series later that year). If it’s the only way to get some of these characters & storylines brought to the screen, then so be it. Other characters in this universe are Black Panther (at least until next year), Black Widow and the Inhumans… and some of the darker storylines from other staples like I feel the Netflix Daredevil series is trying to do… but it got me thinking… “What if Punisher were in that extended Marvel Universe?” And here are some of my favorite Punisher Crossover Movie possibilities… starting with the most ridiculous to one that MUST happen…

 

Avengers: Infinity War Part Two – Let’s face it… there’s already enough characters in this movie… but I wouldn’t mind a quick cameo of The Punisher locking& loading as like a special general with S.H.I.E.L.D., giving a quick speech about finding the gumption to face impossible odds, charging into battle, and then maybe being quickly pimpslap-vaporized by Thanos. Maybe even follow it up with a snarky Tony Stark one-liner… You’re welcome, Hollywood.

 

X-Men: Apocolypse/Punishment Day – Basically the same as Avengers, but replace S.H.I.E.L.D. with Stryker’s armed forces… and Thanos with Apocalypse… and Tony Stark with Wolverine rattling off a Bad Pun… … …isher.

 

Punisher vs. Ghost Rider – Honestly the only reason that I want this movie to exist is to see Nicolas Cage do his crazy thing… you’d think that I’d be over it by now but… it’s just absolutely mesmerizing. As for the plot, they’re going after the same baddies… “This is my turf, punk!” Battle ensues… the only drawback is… honestly it’s not really a fair fight. Guns don’t even phase the Ghost Rider… in fact… from what I can tell in the movies… the only things that can slow down the Ghost Rider is either a dwindling return on investment… or Nicolas Cage’s schedule. That’s why this next one is much better…

 

Punisher vs. Daredevil – I’ve actually read this is already going to happen in the 2^nd season of the Netflix Daredevil series… and I basically got a woodie. Full chub. They even cast Jon Bernthal (“Walking Dead” & “Fury”) as the Punisher… and I’m perfectly okay with that. Also, you may be wondering why I don’t care about him going against fellow New Yorker Spiderman… and it’s because Spiderman is a f**king p**sy who couldn’t lick Frank Castle’s boot. Face!

 

Blade vs. Punisher – What? Blade gets top billing over the Punisher in this one? You bet he does! Wesley Snipes reprises the role that he was born to play… it’s the 4^th movie in both quadrilogies… and you can even have them meet up & battle the first time they meet because… you know, Punisher got wind that vampires are terrorizing the city… and Blade is half-vampire… but then after a battle, they begrudgingly join forces to try & take down Satan himself… played by Nicolas Cage with a full Fu Manchu… you’re welcome, World!!!

 

Punisher vs. Predator: Dusk of Justice – Okay, so I was trying to keep this all in the Marvel Universe… and I know that I might as well be saying Punisher vs. Jesus / Rambo / Batman / Superman / Lobo / Jason / Freddy /  The Devil / The Devil’s Rejects / Time / Barb Wire / Beavis & Butthead / Jurassic World or something like that. However… this would be f**king amazing on every level!!! You could even have Dolph Lundgren back as an aging Punisher (though I’d prefer Jason Statham or Ray Stevenson) following the trail of this mysterious killer whose… basically doing his work, taking out the trash of New York City. However, as he gets close… he realizes that it’s all for sport… and there’s only one man who can actually give Predator a challenge. “PUNISHER VS. PREDATOR: DUSK OF JUSTICE… coming this December…”

 

Anyway, that’ll do it for this entry… I hope you all enjoyed it… now if you’ll excuse me, I’m probably going to watch some of that Netflix Daredevil so that I can get ready for the 2^nd season… have a great weekend everybody!!!