Two Inches Below the Heart

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Wednesday night, we finally watched a movie that we’ve anticipated since we first heard about it on “Electric Boogaloo” the documentary about Cannon Films. The working title of this movie may have been “Space Vampires in London” and based off a similarly named novel… but this 1985 sci-fi feature from director Tobe Hooper (“Poltergeist”) & the writer of the sci-fi classic “Alien”… also premiered the flawless nude body of 19-year old French ballet dancer Mathilda May (still f**king stunning at over 50 BTW). I’m talking of course… about the movie “Lifeforce”!!! Now… I had never heard of this movie before the documentary… and I have no idea how that’s possible. It must have REALLY tanked. It also wasn’t on Netflix either streaming or via mail… so I actually bit the bullet… and purchased the Blu Ray sight unseen (thanks Amazon). So the story picks up in deep space… where an American-British collaboration space team is exploring Haley’s Comet, when they notice a large (phallic) spacecraft in the comet’s tail… and discover a weird sort of holding cell with these flawless humanoids in suspended animation (and some charred remains of giant bat creatures). Well, they decide to take three of the humanoids & one of the bat creature corpses on board… and set the course back to Earth. Spoiler alert: Something goes wrong. So then the shuttle is free-floating in Earth’s orbit (auto pilot) and they send another team of astronauts to go get them… but find that everything & everyone on board has basically been charred… except for the three humanoids. They bring them down to Earth… and soon find out… the horror that they’ve unleashed on the planet!!! Okay, that’s all I’m going to say… because I want you all to watch this movie by any means necessary. Hit me up if you want to watch it again! I’m not going to lie… based on the documentary (and other Cannon Films), I went into this movie with low expectations & just wanted to see some 80’s effects and some Mathilda May boobage… but this movie was f**king legit in a lot of ways. Here, I’ll break it down:

 

What I Liked About the Movie:

 

·         The Special Effects – Look, I recognize that some of the green screen portions of the movie are a little hokey & jaunted… and some of the puppetry effects are slow & dated by the 80’s… but compared to what I was expecting & have seen from other 80’s movies, this sh*t is on point! The green screen portions may be a little dated… and the comet is ridiculous… but the backgrounds & sheer visuals of it are on point with 2001 & some of the H.R. Giger type stuff. The puppetry effects aren’t bad… and there are a LOT of explosions. Knowing that the movie was done on a budget… I was seriously impressed.

 

·         The Symphonic Score – The London Symphonic Orchestra scores this movie… and it’s f**king amazing! They build great tension throughout… but it doesn’t seem old & repetitive. I think the end credits song is even one of the classics that they use on NFL Films presentation. Great job with the score!

 

·         The Randomness of Things – There are guilty pleasures of mine in movies… and it’s often from just not knowing what to expect. This notion of unpredictability was alive & well in Cannon Films movies. This movie is no exception. Because you really have no idea what to expect from the storytelling, the acting, the effects, and how they keep trying to connect these random threads for little or no reason… it keeps you glued to the screen… because you don’t want to miss the craziness (or random boobs). The “she’s a masochist” scene… whoa!

 

·         Sir Patrick Stewart – YES!!! Captain Picard is in this movie… and the scene where he’s on the table & the aura of Mathilda May is speaking through him to our protagonist… fantastic!

 

·         Mathilda May – Let’s not f**king joke about it… gorgeous. She may only be on screen for like… ten minutes maybe? She may not actually say any words in the movie (dubbing?). Make no mistake that she’s the focal point of the movie though in every conceivable way. I feel like teenage Angelina Jolie took some notes after catching her dad watching this movie & turned it into her empire.

 

What I Didn’t Like About the Movie:

 

·         The Vampire Thing – Look, I know that this is based on a story about space vampires… but this movie didn’t really have vampires. I also know there’s the whole thing at the end of the 2^nd act where Professor Exposition starts saying that perhaps the legends of vampires of the old world were based on these humanoids and blah blah blah… but you know what’s NOT explained? The giant bats!!! Is that part of their maturation? Once they hit a certain galactic age, do they just sprout wings and become fanged gargoyles? (I smell a sequel?) These humanoids suck the “lifeforce” out of humans every two hours to keep from… basically exploding into dust… and from what I can tell, their powers are being stunningly sexy, strength, being impervious to bullets (grenades?), some telepathic powers, the ability to transfer their lifeforce into other people & shattering glass with their comatose expressions… but they don’t transform into bats, rats or any of that other vampire stuff… garlic is fine… there are no fangs… there’s no cloaks and/or poofy shirts… hell, there’s not even clothes unless I assume the set was about 40 degrees and they just wanted to drape a sheet over the actor to keep them from freezing to death! What’s the one traditional vampire thing about the whole movie? How they can be killed… IRON STAKES THROUGH THE HEART… or as the movie puts it, something like “The Old Way! Leaden iron… through the energy center… two inches below the heart!” You know… the Old Way. None of these newfangled ways like… grenades.

 

Overall, I’d say that you have to check this movie out at least once! Hell, I’m going to watch it a few more times… probably because it’ll be an episode on the Podcast… but I may be getting ahead of myself on that one. The movie is a little difficult to find… but well worth it.

 

Wednesday night, I met up with some of the future in-laws for dinner at Elevation 66 Brewing to celebrate my future mother-in-law’s birthday. It was a lot of fun… the food was great… the people were even better… here are some pictures…

 

Saturday, Cesar, Heather & KJ were in the Bay Area… so while Heather was at a seminar in Oakland, the boys Cesar & KJ came to have fun with us… and we had a great breakfast at a place called Grindz in Pac Heights… and then went to check out Japantown… and then relax (long night before for them) by watching “Animal Fight Night” on Netflix… seriously, that show is DOPE!!! We ended the evening with dinner at Elevation 66 (yes, twice in about 48 hours… boom!). Here are some pictures…

 

Sunday, we had a birthday party for Izzy’s mom & sister Tess at the Aunties’ house… and we get to see the wee nephew Everett… here are pictures of that too…

 

 

Lastly for this update, Izzy & I had some brewing stuff to take care of. First up, we had our Barrel-Aged Barleywine to bottle (and test before various birthday celebrations in the coming months) so here are some pictures of that…

 

…and then we had an empty barrel with a little souring going on… so we barreled our intentionally Sour Chocolate Stout from the double batch a few weeks ago to age in the barrel and get a good sour going that we can visit in a few months…

 

...kegging our regular Chocolate Stout...

 

…and lastly, we transferred our Homegrown Galena Hopped Pale Ale to secondary.

 

Whew… a pretty busy week if I say so myself with both of us working full-time… but a LOT of fun & a LOT more fun to come. So until next time, have a great day everybody!!!

Tuna & Shark Soiree

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Tuesday night, Izzy & I joined her mom and aunties for some Line Dancing at the Pinole Senior Center… and that may sound like a hellish day to most heterosexual males… but I’m not most males. I took a few ballroom dancing classes back in college… and I grew up in Utah when line dancing was part of the curriculum… and I’m just naturally graceful & athletic… so yeah, it was a pretty fun time. We did five different basic line dances over the course of two hours… and yeah, it was like waltz and cha cha and stuff like that… but the ladies were nice, the teacher Patty was great, and we had a few beers afterwards back at the aunties’ house. Not a bad night at all.

 

Thursday night, Izzy & I continued our Cannon Film adventures with what many consider Chuck Norris’ crowning achievement in filmmaking, “Invasion U.S.A.” This romp was directed by Joseph Zito (“The Prowler”, “Missing in Action” and “Friday the 13^th: The Final Chapter”) and stars Chuck Norris as a one-man army whose called out of retirement in the everglades to help save American from Cuban/Russian invaders who have snuck into the country… and are causing major acts of terrorism all over the state of Florida… and spreading fast. Now… if you’re looking for a politically correct take on terrorism, Russians, certain American subcultures, suburban life, please keep in mind that this movie was made in 1985. There’s none of that. However, the story has its flaws… but it’s still a pretty interesting take on how an invasion of the states might actually happen… and honestly, if you watch the news, a lot of the tactics that you see in this film… are actually used in other countries. Terrorists dressed up as police, paramedics, or other trusted public servants (before Michael Brown) and then opening fire on crowded public areas… or firing off missile launchers in quiet communities… causing mistrust between the people & public officials that are trying to help. It’s pretty interesting. At the same time though… it’s a Chuck Norris movie… and there are a LOT of explosions… and one liners… and yeah, if that’s what you’re looking for then you’re totally going to find it here. Oh... and I got Izzy a unicorn...

 

Saturday night, Izzy & I attended the Tuna & Shark Soiree hosted by the Farallones Marine Sanctuary Association at the Jewish Community Center. You may recall the Sea Slug Soiree from a few months ago… and this was very similar. For a nominal donation, you get a few drink tickets that you can use towards wine or beer or what have you (in keeping with the theme… the beers were Lost Coast Brewing’s Great White Wheat Ale and Ballast Point’s Big Eye IPA with a picture of a tuna on the can). Then there are some nibbles… some art on display for sale / donation… some activities… and then a special presentation, in this case it was a TED talk speaker Ms. Barbara Block talking about the importance of tracking tuna & shark populations and how it effects our oceans. The event was pretty fantastic… and here are some pictures…

Sunday was a bit of a wonderful rainy morning followed by a beautiful day… which means that we stayed at home watching football… but also starting our newest batch of beer, a Belgian Chocolate Porter/Stout. Our last batch was the Belgian Quad… and it’s been going great… and we mentioned how the Belgian yeast gives off different flavors than other yeasts. So we thought that we’d use the yeast towards one of our favorite homebrew recipes, the Chocolate Porter that we’ve made a few times… and just see how it changes with the Belgian yeast as opposed to the California Ale yeast that we typically use. It should be quite interesting. Here are some pictures…

 

We also kegged our barrel aged porter & put our Barleywine in the barrel...

 

Also over the past week, Izzy has been hard at work at completing a coloring book for all ages of Dinosaurs that we’ll be selling at upcoming events… including this coming weekend’s Pinole Crafts Fair (if they can get their sh*t together and process our paperwork), Central Valley Con the first weekend of December, and Zoo Lights at the San Francisco Zoo in December. Come on out and say hi! We’d greatly appreciate it… and while you’re out there, get some art in your life and enjoy the zoo!

 

Anyway, more awesomeness to come… but until then, have a great day everybody!!!

Gimme All Your Lovin'

Good Afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen,

 

Last Sunday night, we watched a big action movie from a few years ago… 1997’s “Mimic” starring Mira Sorvino, Charles Dutton, Josh Brolin & F. Murray Abraham and directed by Guillermo del Toro (“Hellboy” & “Pacific Rim”). For those who haven’t seen it, the movie starts with an epidemic killing children on Manhattan Island at an alarming rate that is spread by cockroaches… so some entomologists (insect doctors) create these insects that emit these enzymes that kills them off or disinfects them or something… and stops the epidemic. Roll credits. Okay, not really… the story picks up three years later… and apparently the cockroaches that saved everybody have evolved… and now they’re out to stop the epidemic of New Yorkers. The same entomologists now have to go into the subways to stop them because… apparently nobody else will or can? Now… the movie has an incredible creepy feel to it… and that’s probably due to del Toro’s direction a lot like he did in “Pan’s Labyrinth” and movies like that… aside from that though, the movie’s only okay. The plot is… eh. I really didn’t care for the characters… but Mira Sorvino is easy on the eyeballs. The monsters are f**king terrifying… but I figure as long as I stay my ass out of the subway tunnels at 2 AM, I’m pretty safe from them… so no real danger. Okay… the characters that I didn’t care about… back on those for a minute. The main ones are good enough I guess… the married couple (Sorvino & Jeremy Northam) are passable… it was good to see Roc (Dutton) as a stereotype subway cop… but the children in this movie, could not f**king stand. There’s the dopey eyed autistic kid who… is basically a retard Pinocchio to his shoe shining Geppetto father… and then there are these two “street kids” that sell bugs to Mira Sorvino… and they’re just horrible little side characters that apparently don’t have parents…  and frankly, I’m glad they were eaten up. Oh… spoiler alert, lots of people get eaten up. I’d say check it out… it’s not horrible… but it’s not really good either.

 

Last week, we also watched the 1977 animated feature of “The Hobbit” which you may recall was turned from an epic novel by J.R.R. Tolkien into this 77 minute animated film by Bass-Rankin (of 80’s cartoon lore, and keep in mind that a few of those 77 minutes are just film credits) and then to three separate films totaling just under 8 hours on the non-extended versions by Peter Jackson. I’ve never read the books (shocking!) but I’ve seen the trilogy by Peter Jackson… and now I’ve seen the animated film. Oh, for those who don’t know… it’s about a Hobbit named Bilbo Baggins who has a wizard named Gandalf show up at his house one beautiful day… and then within a few hours, some of Gandalf’s dwarf friends show up expected to be fed like kings at a perfect stranger’s house… and then Gandalf says that Bilbo is a master thief (racist?) and volunteers him to come along with them on a whimsical journey of traveling thousands of miles to a place called the Lonely Mountain… and then when they arrive, evict the local dragon who has taken residence there & help his new dwarf friends to take back their castle filled with massive amounts of gold & jewels. Bilbo says yes for some reason (starved for human/other being affection?) and the journey goes from there. Now… again, I’ve never read the books… so if there’s more to the premise than that that’s important, I’m unaware of it. Basically it sounds like a bunch of homeless people show up uninvited and they go on a magnificent hobo adventure to me… but I’ll allow my belief to be separated when dragons are involved. Anyway, there are obviously MAJOR differences between this film and the 6x as long trilogy… mainly, in this version, the only time there’s really any conflict in the journey is when they have a VERY brief encounter with three trolls, some typical mountain travel weather, they run into a few frog-like orcs when they get to the mountain & then Bilbo shares a few riddles with Golum. In the trilogy, there’s everything from giant f**king spiders to Orc hordes riding direwolves to being thrown into prison by Elves and all kinds of mess… THEN there’s the dragon Smaug… but yeah I’m getting way ahead of myself. I realize this movie was made almost 40 years ago… but ultimately it was kind of boring… and at least it was only a little over an hour. The animation was pretty basic… I can see how it’d be interesting as a child in the early 80’s or something… but it didn’t really appeal to me. Dare I say it… not unlike the MUCH longer movies. Yeah, I saw them all… but I kinda felt like they were REALLY drawn out… and though character motivations were explained in the movies better with the extra time, but they simply didn’t do any of that in this movie. Basically Gandalf comes off as even MORE of a dick in the animated version. “Sh*t’s happening, I must go!” Poof of smoke & a crack of thunder and he’s gone. Anyway, if you really liked the Lord of the Rings trilogies, check it out… but it’s nothing that you really need to see.

 

Last week, we also watched a movie recommended by Film Vault called “Frank” starring Michael Fassbender, Maggie Gyllenhaal & Downhall Gleeson. This is the story of a young keyboard player (Gleeson) whose struggling to write songs… when all of a sudden he almost serendipitously is on the beach… and the keyboard player for a band that has a gig in town has a nervous breakdown… and so he gets the gig. Well, the band’s front man is Frank (Fassbender), whose apparently a sensitive genius type… and wears a giant paper mache head his entire life. Odd. Well, despite their first concert going… absolutely wrong… the band invites him to come along with them to cut an album at their place in the woods. Oh my gosh! This is the break that he’s been waiting for! Of course he quits his job & uses his nest egg to travel with the band… and then he finds out that they’re all ass crackers insane… and after about a year he becomes suspicious that nothing is getting done. The story continues from there… but despite my poor explanation of the plot, it’s a decent movie about… well, that apparently all artists are insane? But as long as they’re insane together it might work out? Is that the message? Because if so… I have a few counterpoints to that belief based on events in the film that I will not disclose… but yeah, it’s an interesting look at possible mental health issues & just the weird intricacies that make up the characters.

 

Side note: I almost feel bad that Michael Fassbender was publicized as Frank before the release of the film… because honestly, wouldn’t it be great to have watched this movie in which you don’t see the titular character’s face the entire time… and perhaps you’re wondering “Who is playing this person? It kinda sounds like… ugh, I can’t tell through the paper mache echo” and then in the last few scenes, it’s revealed to be “That guy from Inglorious Basterds!” Think about it… it could also have been billed as Michael Fassbender… but he was just he voice… and the actor revealed at the end is his long lost brother Jon Hamm! By the way, I Facebooked it a while back… but how the hell have those two NOT played together in a movie as brothers??? Get on that sh*t, Hollywood!

 

Tuesday night, we also started a quick batch of Strawberry Hefeweizen for NCHF ten days later… so we’re doing a little different process where we’ll start with the Hefeweizen yeast, then on Sunday (4 days later) when we add the strawberry puree we’ll also add some Super High Gravity yeast (like with imperial stouts, barleywines, etc) that should help it to convert in the days after so that it’s ready for NCHF. It’s an experiment… but worst-case, if it sucks before NCHF, we’ll just have to give it time to mature… and we’ll still have our Kentucky Common & Maple Porter to share… along with several HUNDRED kegs from the other festival goers… so yeah, it’s worth a shot on short notice. No real pictures of the brew from Tuesday… but you’ve seen a few before… very similar… and here are a few of our transfer to secondary on Sunday...

 

We also transferred our Barleywine to secondary fermentation... where it'll be for a few months...

 

 

Thursday, I fell for the trap of telling work that I’d go in and work most of the day to help out (since we’re so grossly understaffed it’s pretty ridiculous) but I wanted to be out to beat traffic for the evening’s activities… but of course it wasn’t approved (or denied) until about 30 minutes before I was planning on leaving… and spoiler alert, I was there until a few minutes before my shift ended. Basically, I should’ve just called in sick… leaving everybody at work to stagger & attempt to cover the MANY jobs that I do at a fraction of the pay… and basically they can just suck it. However, I’m a decent human being… and I like most of my coworkers, but tolerate all. Well, now I know… and lessons can help down the road… especially when it means being in traffic for four hours on the way to escape the Bay Area on a random Thursday night… during an obscene heat wave loaded with dicks navigating vehicles on the public roads… but yeah, lesson learned.

 

So Izzy & I drove up to Lincoln after work to mark something off the Bucket List… by which is basically take advantage of viewing a favorite while THEY’RE still alive as opposed to US being alive… but we went to Thunder Valley Amphitheatre to see the great Texas rock band ZZ TOP along with opener Blueberry Smoke. Due to traffic, we missed the opener… but I’m sure they rocked… and we got there just in time for the main attraction… and they F**KING STILL ROCK!!! We fully enjoyed ourselves… even in the 95 degrees after the sun went down that haunts the Central Valley this time of year… but the venue was pretty good & it was a perfect 90 minute concert for us to enjoy… with four hours driving there & then about 80 minutes on the drive back (don’t do the math, Gretchen likes to gallop when she’s not surrounded by parked Priuses). Great evening!

 

Anyway, so it’s been a busy week or so… and it’s not slowing down any time soon… and frankly, that’s pretty awesome! I’ll be sure to keep you posted. Have a great weekend everybody!!!